i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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