they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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