hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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