It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
