I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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