just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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