I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Drunk is a universal language darling
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