Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
