Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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