Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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