my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
