i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I looked at my own cervix.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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