I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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