I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
