i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
