Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
