well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
