as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
