I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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