I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
