my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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