she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
