Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
