Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
