I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
