I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
