i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
