Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
