My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
