So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
