Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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