it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
