The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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