cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
