Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
