There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
