You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
