apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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