let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
