God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
