Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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