So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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