he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
