R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
