They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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