I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
