I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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