Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
