she was so not down for the gang bang
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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