My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
